Social media has its limits
Since young, I kept a blog (or rather a few blogs but I did not really have the tenacity to maintain them for more than a year) up to the year 2015.That year was a turning point. It was when I got first introduced to Facebook. It was still a trending social media platform at that time. It opened a world of possibilities for me as I had much more ways to express myself. A year after that I got started on Instagram, thereafter WeChat. I found myself signing up for all sorts of social media.
At that time, my main motivation for doing so was to connect with friends and connect with reliable sources of information so I can use my news feed for learning something new and to stay informed of current affairs. Another motivation for me was that I am able to get my friends' opinions on many things for the first time, because I was more reclusive and pretty much stayed with the same people.
4 years after using social media, I am getting more tired and more exasperated of it.
I realised I cared about other people's lives more than my own. I also realised that I was conscious of what people thought of me, and that limited how I wanted to be myself in the online world.
The comments section on some websites are also getting toxic, especially when I hit YouTube, look up a trending video and scroll down to the comments section, the comments there will just drain my energy out. There were trolls, social justice warriors, people disagreeing with views and verbally abusing one another. Not that I had anything against them, as they are natural for any discussion, but this incessant chatter going on in the comments had become to noisy for me, and started to disrupt my emotions and well-being.
A place where I could share my views and interact with other people online might not always be a good place. I realised I needed some personal space without the fear of others' judging me and pressuring me to take a stance.
Through my observations of cyberspace, I can conclude that whatever I say, there will always be people who agree with it and people who disagree vehemently. There will always be someone out to get me. Granted, my friends can help me with improving my writing for my posts, but that leads to a superficial picture-perfect curation of posts without evidence of any growth or development.
A journal does not have room outside of my life
I thought that since I could not be bothered to continue a blog after 2015, an online journal could be a good substitute for that. However, I was pressed for time to maintain it because I aspired to record my thoughts and what I did everyday. So, there was not much room for deep intellectual records or doing reflection on various things I feel strongly about.
An online journal keeps my thoughts and agendas safe in a private space, but there are some things I wanted to keep in an open space free from the scrutiny of my close friends. To me, a blog is a sweet spot between the reclusiveness of a journal and the openness of the new media.
On this blog, I need not post about my personal experience too. I can also use it to engage in some research and put whatever I have searched up here. I can use this to keep a log of my journey of exploring new things.
I want to spend my time online productively
Here is the thing about the websites I spent the most amount of time on - they are mostly social media. According to a TED Talk called "Why Screens Make Us Less Happy", those apps and services for our well-being, we do not spend as much time on it as those that consume our time, emotions and energy. These online spaces I dedicate most of my screen time too are designed to set me up for addiction. Notifications, sharing, responses, reviews, likes, comments, infinite scrolling, related posts... There are no ends to it.
Also, most of the time I am just consuming online content. But when I create content online, it gives me more satisfaction. I can watch as many videos and read as much news as possible. I can feel more enriched but I do not feel happy because I am really not doing anything to make myself feel better. All these stimulation is making me more tired instead.
I find that when I search for things more personal to me, I gravitate towards blogs because they give a personal, human touch to things. They feel more real, and more exciting than the news articles we read online. Blog entries allow me to explore more of what I see online, and goes more in depth than the glamorous representation of some things (especially tech products) online.
After years of not keeping a blog, nothing much has changed for the interface of Blogger, where I am hosting this blog on. It gives a place where I can go back to sharing my thoughts, and let my curiosity guide me on creating more content as I expose myself to more of what the web has to offer.
There are surprisingly less restrictions and less sophistication of this place. Somehow it makes a blog attractive. It is like a notice board, people can still see some aspects of my life that I put up here, just that it feels more retro, where my thoughts can be more powerful by expressing them plainly.
Looking ahead
I wish this place helps me grow as a person and record my interests over the years. I also hope my experience can become a lighthouse to guide lost souls to a safe harbour.
No additives or preservatives, no filters or glamorous pictures, I look forward to being myself, being down-to-earth, straightforward and real.
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