PART 2: Basic Military Training (BMT)
Basic Military Training is the most disruptive thing that has happened to my life. I mean, I had to be away from home to undergo training on Pulau Tekong, an offshore island that is geographically closer to Malaysia than it is to Singapore, and the transportation there was quite inconvenient - I had to switch trains, catch the bus to the ferry terminal and board the ferry bringing us there. The training was so hectic that I barely had enough time to take a shower, much less use my phone. Even when I am outside of camp, I would still be required to prepare for the upcoming training for the next week. Despite all my grievances, I would say that this training had been a life-changing journey for me. Not only was it a process of self-discovery, I also got to appreciate more about the importance of defending Singapore.
In my first few weeks of training, everything seemed so difficult to me.
I could recall vividly about the in-processing procedures. There were many items that were issued to each of us, most of which I could not name. Although there were commanders to help me, I had trouble finding what I was asked for as it took me some time to understand the names and the usage for the items. I felt that I was peering at an alien civilisation, with many weird objects that I had never encountered in my daily life. I had to put my own personal bag (or civilian bag) neatly with the rest, carry the extremely heavy bags of issued equipment and items upstairs where the company bunks are located and finish up checking on them. Thereafter, there was a survey before dinner time. During this process, I was so dehydrated that I felt my strength draining out of me, yet I could not muster the courage to ask for the usage of the water dispenser, since I would feel really guilty for troubling others over my own needs.
I was unable to catch up with some of the training, especially on the weapon handling. There were so many things that I got unfamiliar with that I panicked during the lesson and could not understand a thing that was going on. There were commanders and section mates living in the same bunk as me to help me out, but I was not relieved by their assistance because I was too used to working alone. I realised that I had selective listening and was afraid to approach others for help. These were communication issues that would haunt me for the rest of my BMT.
I did not know what to do. My section commander was so nice that my whole section agreed not to do anything to infuriate him. All of my section but me seemed to know exactly what to do, but here I was stuck in my own world, struggling to come out of my shell. Many people were frustrated with me being unable to come to terms with what I did not know and what I disliked. Soon, I started to doubt myself. With the simplest of tasks like putting on a uniform, folding clothes and carrying a bag, I had to go through the motion many times before I was confident of doing them. Otherwise, I would just blank out and make many stupid mistakes. Sometimes, I even wondered whether I had a childhood that was too sheltered, or I had some sort of mental problem.
The way most people started off their conversations with me was, "Are you okay?" To some, this question could sound comforting, but to me, it was an affirmation that something was wrong with me and it made me depressed. I could not blame them for asking me that question. Usually, any sort of fatigue or exasperation would show through my face. My face could not lie, whenever I felt that I could not go on anymore, I looked like I really wanted to die. It must have been painful to look at me being like that.
I think my mindset made things unnecessarily difficult for me. Training was supposed to be tough, but instead of showing any determination of completing it, my mind was full of self-defeating thoughts like, "This is too difficult." "Impossible, that can't work." "No, no, I won't be able to do this..." "What? I cannot understand. Help!" These thoughts made me lost my drive to face my mistakes and strive to be a better person. Thankfully, I had buddies, mentors, commanders and officers being patient with me, encouraging me on and giving me advice on how to break out of any dismal situation I found myself to be in.
I did not have a strong mind, and my physical body was breaking down as well. Booking out of camp became extremely important to me as it was a time when I could rest and recover. I got abrasions, bruises, cuts, ankle sprains, heat rash, throat infection and sores... Most of the injuries were minor enough to be healed within a few days, but the throat infection had me go through one week of medication, and the sprain caused me to be excused from running, marching and jumping for 5 days. And during training, I usually had problems with the equipment and the heat. Whenever I march with long distances with a helmet on, I would start to feel light-headed and feverish, and I would be sweating so much that I could not pass urine for more than half a day.
My lack of leg strength was a weakness in me, and my legs never failed to get sores after each book out before the weekend. My legs got so beaten up after the 24 km route march, the final strenuous activity in BMT, I could not even stand for long for any kind of parade, hence I could only join the later half of the passing-out parade. Most of the training for the parade I have done before that were wasted as my body was not in a condition to be able to deliver the standards required from me on the actual run.
Luckily, it was not all despair and depression during BMT. I had my fair share of fun moments and memories.
I would remember fondly of my days shooting rounds to my hearts content when I acted as the enemy during the group battle course, the performances that were put on to commemorate significant events such as Chinese New Year and the end of the BMT training, as well as all the weird and funny questions during the engagement we had with the officers. I also could not forget how people were nice to me, giving me snacks and looking out for my health. I should treasure these memories and use them to help me feel positive and stronger when moving forward with my National Service journey. These experiences made me feel that I would give my all to bear arms so that I could protect the smiles of others.
It was mostly about me ranting and a bit of sharing of my experiences during BMT for this post, but I really want to drive home the importance of learning from my mistakes. Keeping an open mind toward any new challenges, interacting with people and remembering the reason for all the difficulties I went through was what I failed to do as a recruit. Without them, it would be just as difficult to make it through BMT as it is for the rest of my life.
My officers said that there is no running away from the 2 years of National Service being in the military, but how well spent these 2 years would be is entirely up to me. How very true.
UPDATE: Came across this blog post shortly after reading this and I found it to be quite helpful in tackling my problems. Usually, many of the negative emotions we feel stem from being unprepared for many situations and the self-deceit that we put ourselves through just to forget about how difficult the world can just be. This morning ritual described in the post can help us cope with that negativity. Cheers!
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