I started to think of whether there is anyway I can complain to my neighbours about this, only to realise I have no right to do so because I am also guilty of this kind of inconsideration at times. I remembered my parents telling me to lower the volume of my laptop speakers late at night because its loudness could wake my family members up. I am not sure whether what I am doing in my room has affected my neighbours, but I believed I certainly did cause trouble for them in one way or another.
I should work to become more like Gandhi, to set a good role model for others, before I can tell others what to do.
Mahatma Gandhi and the role of a role model
I remembered this story clearly because the ex-chief commissioner of St John Brigade Singapore once shared this with the Officer Training Course cohort, whom I was included.
As I was not able to remember the exact details anymore, I have to quote from some other sources to augment whatever I remembered. Anyway, The story goes like this:
A mother came to Gandhi complaining that her son ate too much sugar and asked him to say or do something to inspire the child to give up the substance. She felt the boy would listen to Gandhi as the child idolised him.
The pair waited while Gandhi looked at the mother then simply said, “Come back in two weeks.”
When they returned, Gandhi spoke directly to the child. “Boy, you should not eat sugar. It is bad for your health.”
The mother asked why he had not said that two weeks ago. Gandhi smiled, then said, “Mother, two weeks ago I was still eating sugar myself.”
Gandhi believed so much in integrity that he would not counsel anything he did not do himself.
I think what is important in a role model is the integrity he has, so that others will be able to trust him and more likely to follow his suggestions. Otherwise, no one will take orders from a person who has double standards.
That is why from my personal anecdote earlier in this post, I could not do anything until I showed consideration for others.
Extension: neighbourliness in Singapore
This incident made me also think whether we have become less accommodating of each other over time. I live in Singapore, where majority of the population, with myself included, reside in high-rise flats.
To encourage racial and religious harmony, as well as community cohesiveness and bonding, there was a Ethnic Integration Policy to ensure a balanced mix of many different types of people were housed in the same block and neighbourhood. The intention is commendable - to minimise chances of any ethnic enclaves forming up, so people could more or less get along with each other.
But, for myself, I do not usually converse with my neighbours, and I see no reason too. I am usually stressed out when being with other people, so when I come back home, I am craving for personal space and personal time. Talking with more people is the last thing I will want to do. Hence, neighbours to me are passers-by on the corridor, excluded from my social circle.
I am not alone in this, according to this article from the Straits Times, less people are concerned about being good neighbours.
SKM general secretary William Wan said people's lack of interest in interacting more with neighbours could be due to their lack of time.
"Surveys have shown that Singaporeans have longer working hours than others in the world.... by the time they go home, they have dinner, watch the news for a while, then it's time to go to bed. They're tired after a long day at work."
Dr Wan felt various government efforts to build neighbourly ties had succeeded, but "people are quite content with superficial relationships and have not considered the advantages of stronger bonds with neighbours".
He said it was vital to have more neighbourliness so people could turn to one another for help and could also be more aware of suspicious activities.
National University of Singapore sociologist Paulin Straughan said the year-on-year change in figures was "marginal", and pointed out that not exchanging greetings often is not necessarily an indicator of bad neighbourly ties, but could simply be due to neighbours not seeing one another often.
Retiree David Kwok, 67, was concerned about the growing proportion of people preferring to maintain their privacy. The Tanjong Pagar resident said: "If a lift breaks down, such people may prefer to just wait for others to give feedback about the lift. Worse, if there are emergencies such as fires, such people may just think of themselves."
He added: "We should have good relations with neighbours. You never know when you need help."
And here are the findings from the poll on neighbourliness from the article: (information is accurate as of year 2017)
Maybe... if there are more reasons for us to be reliant on our neighbours for help, will the situation improve? For local communities, there are few events where all of us are able to take part in (and still need register!). I have read that in countries such as Japan, people have obligations (or rather duties?) as a community - they have to clean up their own streets as there are usually no cleaners and inform each other of recent happenings in the community via the kairanban.
We still have a long way to go before we are able to function as one community instead of a group of individuals and families housed under the same roofs.
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